the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
