I am puke
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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