My girlfriend figured out who you are.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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