Just mADE A PArabola og urine
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
