i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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