Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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