He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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