True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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