On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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