Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
