its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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