i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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