Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
