I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
