a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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