I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
