She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
