My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
