i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
