I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
