She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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