Welp...herpes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
