I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
