matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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