that's an acceptable place to lick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
