did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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