I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
