I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
