I heard we made out
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
