I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
