Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
