Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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