This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
