Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
