Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
