...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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