I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you win again, gameday.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
