I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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