her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
