I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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