Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
