hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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