i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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