just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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