Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
