I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
