Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He passed out mid-signature
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
