I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
