i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
