Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
