Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She bit a glass in half.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
