somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
