No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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