Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
