either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
