I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
