There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize