if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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