hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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