My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
