I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
