I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
