can u get pink eye on your cock?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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