Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
