I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
