Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize