Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
