He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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