I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
