i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
