i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
