remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize