Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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