yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize