im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
