Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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