I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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