Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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